Come for the drama, stay for the support! The best and worst Facebook mom groups
/Hi everyone!
I want you to lean into your screen a little because we are gonna dish on the always-entertaining topic of Facebook mom groups. I don't know about you, but these groups keep me tapping that app long past what is socially acceptable. We could discuss those notorious national groups like Sanctimommies all day, but let's keep it in the 914 and get the lowdown on the best and worst Facebook mom groups in Westchester. No holds barred...
The Big One
We all know this one. It's "She Who Shall Not Be Named (no kidding)". The mother of all Westchester mothering groups. It's where you go when you want to find swim lesson recommendations (AGAIN? Does no one search the archives first?) or a roofer, or ask which doctor in West Med is the best. But it's also one of the most strictly run.
Started out by the wonderful Melissa Krochek of Westchester NY Moms, this is the white pages of local groups. Which is awesome. But with 11,000 members, the drama can build fast and furious, and since it's run more like The Machine, several people have reported being blocked from the group for what they say are minor, non-blockworthy offenses. The philosophy seems to be, "If you don't like it, start your own group." Which brings us to...
BAD Moms of Westchester
This group started as a refuge for castoffs who were kicked out of The Big One. BAD Moms is unapologetically ... well ... unapologetic. This is the group where you can post things like "OMG I hate my kid right now" and no one is gonna dog pile on you with "How dare you! Children are a blessing!" What you'll most likely get is "OMG me too!" and a bunch of silly GIFs of people drinking wine.
BAD Moms was started by Alessandra Suarez, a SAHM of 2, just six months ago. She felt like so many mom groups were run by middle school bullies. There had to be other moms like her and she wanted to find them. She was right—the group has quickly ballooned to more than 3,000 members. Despite its size, it feels more like a group text with your besties. BAD Moms maintains its hundreds of daily posts and comments with little to no drama.
Alessandra loves that there are the OG regulars who help shape the tone of the group, and the newbies who come in and exclaim, "I love this place!" A series of Paul Rudd GIFs will typically follow.
It's been such a hit that founder Alessandra has started a weekly giveaway contest for beloved readers, partnering with local companies. This forgiving group won't kick you out unless you get judgey, so save the "I would never!"s for the other mom groups.
Want to be a BAD Mom? Baby Got Chat has teamed up with the BMWs (don't call us BMs!) on these exclusive tee shirts! I'll be wearing mine everywhere I go, so if you see me in it, give me a shoutout. Show your Westchester mommy love and snatch one up in this first round of group orders. The deadline is Monday to reserve your shirt. Click here to order.
The Exclusive Ones
You know, the ones you can't get into? Some of them require you to live in the town they represent, and nearby isn't good enough. I won't single out a Westchester group, but in the New Canaan, CT moms group, they ask you to list your address and have a current member vouch for you to get in. With such an exclusive circle, these groups can feel a little too close for comfort. How can you complain about your neighbor leaving trash out when your neighbor’s a member too? Or do you want to risk engaging in a Facebook debate about sleep training with people you actually see every day?
The Hyper Local Ones
These groups focus on micro neighborhoods (I belong to one tailored to my two-mile subset of Yonkers) and are more like community bulletin boards. I love these groups because you can ask “What’s that noise outside?” and immediately get 6 responses explaining why there are helicopters at 10pm. But these aren’t really the places to vent about the frustrations of child raising or share that funny video you just saw. Keep it closer to church parking lot conversation and you’ll be golden.
The Moms AND Dads Ones
I'm sorry but I HATE the way dads act in Facebook groups. Almost every group I'm in with dads in them are more grouchy and argument-laden. The dads come off as crabby and don't have that perfect finesse of passive-aggressiveness that us moms use when discussing a potentially contentious topic. We moms don’t say things like “If you don’t like it you don’t have to live here.” Or “Why do my tax dollars have to pay for your school walkout?” EYEROLL. Go back to your striped La-Z-Boy, Grandpa. It just goes to show that despite our drama, we moms are tolerant of differing opinions. Maybe that's why there's no Facebook dad-only groups!
There's one group with moms and dads that isn’t full of long-winded debates. Westchester, NY Parents is more of a bulletin board and less of a complaint department. They are more forgiving about solicitation than other sites, especially on Tell Us Tuesday, so if you have a business it's a good place to get the word out. This page was started by another mom who was frustrated that The Big One didn't allow local bloggers to post about topics of interest to us moms. We believe mom blogs are like TV shows: you can enjoy one without it being the ONLY one you watch, because they're all so different. If you have a blog, please come to Westchester, NY Parents and tell us about it! I help admin so I will see it and make sure it gets out there.
The Tag Sale Groups
These are great places to find gently used stuff in good condition, and the people seem more like, well, actual people than the posters on Craigslist. Plus, like the mom discussion groups, there are tag sale groups for the whole county or just for particular towns, so you don't have to drive too far to pick up your items. There are also themes like Baby/Child so you can narrow down your search.
But be warned these groups are only as good as the moderator who runs them. I've learned that the more the moderator talks about "no drama" in their rules, the more drama there's likely to be. In one group I listed something and got so many "just a note..." messages from the moderator that it was easier to leave the group and post somewhere else. Duds aside, all in all they're a solid resource when you're in the market for fantastic deals.
And what's a greater deal than free? There's an awesome page called Pay It Forward -- Lower Westchester where you can be a do-gooder and post things you would like to give away. Our friend Jenny Plaff, who also hosts the Etsy page Mommy's Timeout Spot, is the gracious admin. You can score furniture, formula coupons, and even brand-new Play Doh!
I hope that's given you some insight to some of the groups out there you can join. Maybe I'll see you on one of these soon!
That's it for this week! Don't forget about our weekly Mommy Meetup at Lil Chameleon from 10:30am to noon most Mondays. For our (almost always free) Event of the Day, follow us on Facebook or Instagram. And as always, check our website for events and our easy-to-navigate chart of every weekly kids library program in Westchester.
See you next time!
Andrea
